


Desiderium

by thewriterpoe



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 01:57:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3591981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriterpoe/pseuds/thewriterpoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taemin says Jongin is special but Jongin doesn't feel special, he feels left out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desiderium

 

      “Why haven’t we fucked yet?”

      _This again!_

      The question is so out of context that for a moment Taemin is stunned. They are on the couch watching a baking show, Taemin on one side, Jongin on the other.  Taemin’s face is schooled in vacant expressions so the look he gives Jongin is unreadable. He regrets telling Jongin about that one time with Jonghyun.

      Finally, he answers, “You know why.”

      _This again!_

      Taemin has said Jongin is special; that they should wait. But Jongin doesn’t feel special, he feels left out. Plus, it doesn’t look like the Catholic Church will sanction homosexuality any time soon. Still, Jongin doesn’t say anything. He hadn’t even taken his eyes off the television screen when he asked the question. But Taemin knows it’s been bothering him. Taemin also knows that he should do something about it.  Jongin’s been patient and faithful, and it isn’t fair to him to have that need go unfulfilled.

      During a commercial break, Jongin gets up, heads to their bedroom, and shuts the door behind him. Taemin knows what Jongin is going in there for and he bites his lower lip, weighing between the options of staying put or joining him. They’ve gone as far as jerking each other off but that only happened once because they came too close to going all the way. He’s thought about letting Jongin fuck other people but every time he comes close to saying the words, his throats dries up and tears well in his eyes. He knows it’s selfish but he can’t bring himself to sharing his boyfriend. Taemin lowers the volume of the television and listens for the first moan. And as if on cue, the sound fills his belly with knots and butterflies.

      Taemin waits until Jongin is finished before he quietly enters the bedroom -he doesn’t trust himself to go in before. Jongin quickly tucks himself in, casting his phone aside, but just before the screen turns black, Taemin glimpses the picture Jongin took of him in Japan. He sighs and runs a shaky hand through his jet black hair.

      “Jongin-ah,” he starts softly and Jongin looks away, recognizing the tone and the look. “You know how I feel about you.”

      “I know,” Jongin grumbles.

      “You also know how I feel about us –.”He can’t even say it.

      “I know,” Jongin repeats through gritted teeth. He’s tired of feeling like the bad person for wanting to fuck his boyfriend.

      “You said you understood,” Taemin continues, sitting next to Jongin.

      Jongin sighs heavily. He can feel an argument coming on and he doesn’t want to fight with Taemin. The last time they fought about this, it had been terrible. To try to understand, Jongin had even read the Bible but only got more confused. How was it that homosexuality was an abomination but incest and rape wasn’t? What about eating _samgyeopsa_ l? It seems to Jongin that there is a lot of conflation between cultural edicts and religious ones. The Ten Commandments say nothing about masturbation, pre-marital sex, homosexuality.  

      “I don’t want to fight with you,” Jongin echoes Taemin’s soft tones, code for ‘I don’t want to lose you.’ He couldn’t bear another two months away from Taemin; and if he can’t fuck him, Jongin is okay with that as long as Taemin doesn’t leave. He puts his hand over Taemin’s and gives the older boy a sweet smile. “I’m sorry.”

      “What for?” Taemin moves his head from where it is resting on Jongin’s shoulder to look at his boyfriend’s beautiful face.

      Jongin smiles sheepishly. “For being a brat. I shouldn’t make you feel like shit about your beliefs. It’s just that sometimes I get carried away with all things I want to do to you.”

      Taemin’s face is unreadable again. It’s not like he doesn’t want to throw Jongin on the bed and fuck him ten ways to Sunday. Especially when he looks like he looks just now – honey colored tussled hair and lips red and swollen from being bitten down on too hard. And he’s been trying to find a way to reconcile his conscience because the Ten Commandments don’t say anything about masturbation, pre-marital sex, or homosexuality. Still, he doesn’t dare say any of this to Jongin because then the younger boy would up the ante and it’s already hard enough resisting that face when Jongin is not even trying.

      Taemin thinks that maybe it’s time to put the option of other people on the table but instead of saying this he says, “Show me.”

      Jongin is confused but not a lot because there’s something of hope in his eyes. “Show you what?”

      Taemin doesn’t think he has the courage to say the words again but he hears his voice repeating the command: “Show me what you want to do to me.”

      Jongin’s grip on Taemin’s hand tightens. He searches the older boy eyes for hesitation, and at the last minute, he feels him chicken out as Taemin frees his hand from Jongin’s grip. “Not on me,” Taemin continues. “On someone else. I want to watch.”

      Taemin thinks seeing Jongin with someone else is just the thing to bolster his resolve; he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t want to fuck Jongin knowing that he’s fucked someone else. But he’s also pretty sure that Jongin doesn’t have the guts to go through with it, if the glare currently directed at him is any indication. That’s why Taemin is shocked when, two weeks later, Jongin makes good on the offer. He looks from Jongin to Moonkyu, their good friend, to Jongin again, hoping it’s a joke.

      “We’ve already talked about this,” Jongin says, confirming that this really is happening.

      “Have you?” he returns keeping his tone flat.

      But Jongin detects a hint of hostility. “We don’t have to do this,” he offers, challenging Taemin with a hard stare.

      Taemin returns the stare even though he doesn’t think he wants to go through with this. He doesn’t want to see Jongin with anyone other than him. “Are you okay with this?” He turns to Moonkyu who just shrugs in response.  _Damn it!_

      “He owes me,” Jongin says cryptically, fixing Moonkyu with his own hard stare, to which Moonkyu smirks.

      “So…how are we going to do this?” Taemin asks.

 

      Taemin hates seeing Jongin kissing someone else because kissing is the one thing they do a lot. He feels himself swelling with rage when he sees how into it Jongin looks. Later on he discovers that it’s not rage swelling in him but desire. He notices that Jongin kisses him differently from the way he is kissing Moonkyu and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. It seems to him that Jongin has been holding himself back. Moonkyu is mewling just from Jongin sucking a spot on his jaw line which correlates with the spot where Taemin has a beauty spot.

      Jongin hazards a look at Taemin and immediately wishes he hadn’t because it’s only confirmation that it’s not Taemin he’s passionately kissing.

      Moonkyu and Jongin soon get at each other’s clothes. Moonkyu’s fingers are defter and within seconds of unbuckling Jongin’s belt, undoing the button and pulling down the zipper, he has Jongin’s semi-hard cock in his mouth. Jongin shivers, closing his eyes at the warm, wet sensation. He opens them again when he registers Taemin’s sharp into of air. He meets his boyfriend’s wide-eye stare; his eyes asking if this is what Jongin wants Taemin to do to him. Jongin’s eyes answer in the affirmative.

      Jongin turns his attention back to Moonkyu when a particularly hard suck has him bucking into the other’s mouth. He has heard Moonkyu brag about his oral skills but never imagined it would be this good. Moonkyu works his hands along with his tongue with dizzying expertise. Another powerful suction and Jongin is teetering on the edge of an orgasm. Moonkyu looks up at him with a smirk on his mouth, pulling off Jongin’s dick with a loud, wet pop.  Jongin runs his hands soothingly through Moonkyu’s hair which he had in a tight grip.

      Jongin tackles Moonkyu onto the bed and pins him down by the hips. Taemin only just manages to get out of the way in time. The whole point of this exercise is the show Taemin what he wants to do to him; and while Moonkyu’s talents lie in oral stimulation, Jongin’s talents were digital. His hungry eyes roam the expanses of the Moonkyu’s body, noting differences between it and Taemin’s: the curve of the neck line, the sharpness of the collarbone, the color of the nipple. There is apprehension and anticipation in Moonkyu’s eyes and Jongin meets them with momentary nervousness gnawing his bottom lip.

      “You should sit here,” Jongin says to Taemin, pointing to the space above Moonkyu’s head. “The view will be better.” He smirks but mostly to himself, surprised by the confidence in his own voice.

      It’s only adds to the turn on and Taemin does as he is told, barely fitting into the small space so that Jongin has to pull Moonkyu closer to make room for his lithe legs. Taemin watches with rapt attention as Jongin retrieves a condom package and small bottle of lube from the box under the bed, blushing when they makes eye contact  as Jongin rolls the latex expertly over his erection. Taemin swallows at the sight of Jongin’s cock, the pink head leaking with pre-cum.

      After coating his sheathed cock and fingers with lube, Jongin hovers over Moonkyu, his left hand by Moonkyu’s face, his right (lubed) hand near his entrance. He kisses his way down Moonkyu’s body, lingering unnecessarily at his nipples; sucking, nipping, tongue flicking. Only after Moonkyu whines for the third time, does he venture lower. This is when he locks eyes with Taemin; even as he drags his tongue along the prominent vein on the underside of Moonkyu’s dick, even as he sank his mouth down Moonkyu’s shaft, taking him all in at once. Taemin is the first one to pull away from the stare, if only to fixate on the stretch of Jongin’s mouth around Moonkyu’s throbbing flesh.

      “Jesus!” Moonkyu cusses, breaking Taemin’s trance. Jongin has just slipped a finger into his puckered hole.

      “Shh,” Jongin coos, his eyes flickering down to Moonkyu’s scrunched up face. The vibrations of the sound causes Moonkyu’s dick to twitch inside his mouth and is Jongin feeling pretty smug. 

      With the second finger moving in tandem with the first; in and out of Moonkyu and hitting his sweet spot every time, Moonkyu is moaning over the wet noises. His hands fist at Jongin’s hair and he yanks the other’s head back and off his cock.

      “Do it now,” he demands. Jongin nods.

      Jongin wipes his dirty hand on the sheets and props himself up by the elbows. He’s closer to Taemin like this and can hear how the older’s breath hitches.

      “Oh, Tae!” Jongin moans as he pushes through the last bit resistance of the boy beneath him. Moonkyu blinks at the mention of the other boy’s name but doesn’t correct Jongin. His breath is full of guttural sounds at the feeling of fullness between his legs.

      It doesn’t take long for either of them to reach the edge – Jongin hitting Moonkyu’s prostate with every hard thrust, Jongin looking into Taemin’s eyes.

      “Hold my hand,” Jongin says, reaching for Taemin. “Please,” he adds in a desperate whine when the other hesitates. Taemin’s hands find Jongin’s, their fingers interlace, and Jongin cums.

     

      Taemin walks Moonkyu to the door. They don’t say anything to each- not that they want to.  When he returns, Jongin is curled up on Taemin’s side of the bed, his face buried in Taemin’s pillow, taking in Taemin’s scent. Taemin takes Jongin side of the bed and Jongin refuses look at him. He’s embarrassed. But the space between them is too charged and Taemin closes the distance; his arms winding around Jongin’s naked waist. He smiles when Jongin nuzzles even closer.

      “Was I good?” Jongin asks, his voice muffled by Taemin’s chest.

      Taemin breathes in deeply but doesn’t say anything. He’s trying to deflate his raging erection.

      “Next time,” Jongin ventures, “I’ll be better.”

      _Next time._ Taemin ruminates on those words as he listens to the soft rise and fall of Jongin’s breath.

 

      There is a next time and a time after that; each time Taemin getting further away from just watching. Like the time he’s so touched out by the noises Moonkyu is making, _he_ grabs Jongin’s hand, nails biting into the younger’s tanned skin. And Jongin starts wanting more; starts wanting to see Taemin naked in order to get off. But with Moonkyu always between them, Jongin only gets frustrated because it’s not Taemin moaning underneath him, and many times he has to close his eyes to imagine his boyfriend’s soft face, his boyfriend’s honey voice even though he is right there with him. And so sometimes he punishes Moonkyu for not being Taemin.

      “Stop it,” Taemin says, he’s noticed the discomfort etched on Moonkyu’s brow for the past two minutes. Moonkyu had asked Jongin to slow down but the request only egged him to go faster. “Enough!” Taemin yells and pushes Jongin off.

      “I’m sorry,” Jongin mumbles, moving to the far corner of the bed.

      “I think we should stop,” Taemin suggests but it is not clear whether they should stop for the night or altogether.

      Moonkyu is dressed in record time and when Jongin sincerely apologizes to him, he gives him a look that could be described as pity. Taemin walks Moonkyu to the door as usual but takes longer this time. When he returns, Jongin is still in the far corner of the bed; his head hanging low, his erection standing tall.

      “I can’t do it,” Jongin says, his voice sounding thick with tears. He looks up at Taemin. “I can’t do it with him anymore. It’s you I want.” Taemin is standing close enough for Jongin’s fingers to circle around his wrists. “Would it be so wrong -?”

      Taemin doesn’t let him finish. “Yes,” he says immediately.

      Jongin’s fingers uncurl from Taemin’s wrists, his hand dropping to his lap.

      “You should take care of that,” Taemin says, glancing at Jongin’s erection. He pulls his shirt over his head and steps out of his sweat pants.

      Jongin drinks the sight of Taemin’s nakedness. It’s such a beautiful sight; a lesson in Greek sculpture, he can’t help but stare. Sighing, Jongin wraps his fingers around his erection. “Closer,” he requests and Taemin closes the gap between them. Jongin rests his head on Taemin’s bare stomach as he starts pumping his fists. He takes in the feel of Taemin’s skin of his cheek; he takes in Taemin’s scent. When he starts kissing at the older’s navel area, Taemin lifts Jongin’s chin so that they are looking into each other’s eyes.

      “Touch me,” Jongin begged.

      “No,” Taemin returns, his eyes never leaving Jongin’s face screwed in want.

      Masturbation is as far as they have gone but it is never nearly enough when they are used to their own hands and long to feel the other’s. So Taemin is thinking about it, thinking about sinking down onto Jongin’s cock. He’d seen Moonkyu do it, quickened when Moonkyu had done it. And as he’s thinking about it, without realizing it, he presses Jongin back on the bed and slides his body against Jongin’s, shuddering when their cocks rub against each other. Jongin is torn between checking to make sure this is fine and just going along with it. Taemin rocks slowly against Jongin, biting his lower lip to keep from making a sound. He doesn’t dare look at Jongin but the taller boy’s nervous hands – unsure of whether to grip Taemin’s hips or the sheets – gives him indication of his state.

      Taemin thinks Jongin feels incredible and they haven’t even gotten to the good part. Now there’s nothing for it but to yield to the temptation. Taemin reaches between their bodies, takes Jongin’s cock and guides it to his entrance. He isn’t prepped and Jongin is trying to tell him but he’s already sinking slowly onto Jongin’s cum-slick cock, exhaling slowly as though Jongin’s dick is a plunger pushing air out.

      “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jongin whimpers, his taut thighs shaking at the feeling of being sucked tight inside Taemin. Taemin lets out a dry sob, his teeth grit tight, and his eyes twist shut. His palms press hard on Jongin hard chest, holding his body up as he waits to adjust to Jongin’s girth before he starts moving. Slowly.

      Taemin rocks back and forth, his pain filled whimpering turning into ecstatic moans as his arms give out and his upper body drops low. His mouth is dangerously close to Jongin’s but he still isn’t looking at the beautiful mess beneath him. Jongin is confounded. This is more than he even imagined. Even as a bottom Taemin utterly dominates him. He can’t do anything against the waves of pleasure washing over him just from being inside Taemin.

      “I can’t,” Jongin sputters and Taemin stops moving. “I can’t go slow. I want to go fast. I want to go hard.” The ache in his pelvis has become unbearable.

      With their faces so close, Jongin doesn’t see the nod as much as he felt wisps of Taemin’s tumbling locks brushing against his skin. With one hand around his waist, Jongin flips their positions so that he is on top. Jongin doesn’t do anything for a while so Taemin glances up at him. Their eyes meet; dark matching dark. Jongin is looking at him with love, gratitude, apology, and Taemin feels an avalanche of emotions about to burst from his eyes. It is not fear or guilt or shame. It’s desiderium.

      “Jongin,” he calls softly, placing a tender touch on the other’s hot cheek.

      He feels the first thrust all the way in his throat, a wrecking ball of intensity and already he can feel the beginnings of orgasm in the shortness of breath, in the coiling of his abdominal muscles. They cum soon after the start; Taemin is first - in a long, loud orgasm, then Jongin who fills Taemin to the point of leaking.

      “I love you,” Jongin says breathless, his body crashing down onto Taemin. He stays there for a while, catching his breath and Taemin holds him close, content in letting it stay this way. He isn’t surprised when he hears Jongin’s soft snoring but Jongin is heavy and Taemin is too spent to move him.

      Jongin wakes up twenty minutes later. “Hey!” he smiles lazily at Taemin.

      “You’re heavy,” Taemin responds.

      “Oh, sorry,” he rolls of the smaller boy.

      Taemin’s body protests as he gets off the bed and heads over to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He splashes water on his face before looking at himself in the mirror. He doesn’t know what he had expected but he is relieved to see that he doesn’t look different. There’s only a small bruise on his cheek near his right eye from where their heads bumped together but nothing…grotesque. The person looking back at him is familiar.

      He takes a deep breath before going back into the bedroom. Jongin is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at his hands. Taemin’s heart sinks because Jongin looks like he wants to talk and talk is the last thing Taemin wants to do.

      Jongin sees Taemin’s bare feet approach him and he looks up at him with a sad smile. “I fell asleep on you,” he says.

      Taemin smiles and playfully crashes into Jongin, “Well, you’ve worked hard.”

      The tension Jongin is holding in his shoulders melts and he laughs naturally when Taemin tickles him. They settle in between the sheets, Jongin folding neatly into Taemin’s embrace.

      “So…this is a thing now?” Jongin asks picking at a loose thread near him.

      Taemin sighs contentedly, his breath dancing with strands of Jongin’s hair. “This is a thing.”

     

     

     

 

 


End file.
